Tuesday, March 11, 2008


The other day I stopped in to my local Hallmark store to purchase some cards. As I approached the counter to pay, I type the following conversation:

(50 something year old) Clerk: "Hello. Do you have a Golden Crown Rewards Card?"

Me: "No."

Clerk: "Would you like one?"

Me: "No thank you."

Clerk: "Well you are in luck!"

Me: "I am?"

Clerk: "Why yes! Today is Tuesday which is discount day for Senior Citizens."

(incredulous.....looking around...picking jaw up off of floor......maintaining composure)

Me: "Will you have Senior Citizen Day in 15 1/2 years?"

Clerk: "Um...uh...well I don't know."

Me: "Well that's when I will be available to take advantage of THAT discount. I will let my MOTHER know about your special little Tuesday's."

And really, I thought I was looking pretty hip that day. Pouty, plumped and deeply red lipstick on, new haircut with cool tattoo showing on my neck, funky earrings and of course,a totally hip outfit.

Damn my dear friend Ms. Analyzer for telling me that grey hair is so sexy on women with short hair. Maybe on a woman, say 55.

But I have decided it is not so sexy on a prematurely grey woman of 39 1/2. Fuck you all for laughing at the 1/2. I will be holding on to that 1/2 until the last second before my birthday in October.

Bubby says I'm nuts for changing my hair color for one stupid and perfectly blind woman at the Hallmark store. Maybe. But this shallow woman is making an appointment with the hair stylist ASAP. Aging men look dignified as they mature, women just look old.


Anonymous said...

Birthdays should be embraced! It is better than the alternative....be thankful for each day, each gray hair, each wrinkle. Men may be dignified, but we are like a FINE wine, Women just get better with age!!!!!

The Analyzer said...

Maybe she thought you were over 50 because those are the only people that still go into Hallmark's! What the hell were you doing shopping in Hallmark? Your hipness would not have gone unnoticed if you were at Dragonfly or Papyrus. And DON'T YOU DARE DYE IT! It really is sexy!!!! I can't wait to see the new cut. And you should see beth.....