Thursday, January 05, 2006


I saw an article about Lindsey Lohan and her struggle with Bulemia. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to try to adhere to societies expectations when you are in the media spotlight. Ben Affleck gains weight, nobody says shit. Kirstie Alley gains weight and all of a sudden she is "Fat Actress". George Clooney gains weight for a role........."sexy." Renee Zellweger gains weight for a role and she's touted as"frumpy." For women, it is a double standard. Period.

Since I've been ill, I've lost weight quickly. Only because I didn't hardly eat anything for about two weeks. It sucked. I would watch the Food Channel just craving seafood and soups and cakes and delectable confections. My body would tell me......."Put this in your mouth and you will not taste it (Sinus infection) and you will end up gagging it up anyway (Pneumonia)." I literally went days with barely anything but water.

Now that I'm up and feeling hungry, I've realized how weak you get when you don't eat. I can barely walk a few blocks without feeling tired and dizzy. It will go away......I'm on the mend. But I wonder how people that constantly starve themselves function?

First and foremost: the brain. If you don't feed your body, your brain turns to mush. I couldn't think clearly. I lost my ability to think rationally or even keep track of time. I would pause between words. Nobody knew what the bleep I was talking about and candidly said so. "Mom, are you okay?" "Hey, what's wrong with her?" "Honey, can I get you anything? Tea? Your Inhaler? A Psychiatrist?" I was irrational and I couldn't focus on any one thing longer than about 2.3 seconds. Now I know how ADHD people feel.

Secondly: the physical body. My hands shook uncontrollably. I couldn't sleep or would sleep for incredibly long hours at a time. Going up and down the stairs was an Olympic feat.

I explain some of these sensations because I HAVE NO IDEA HOW PEOPLE CAN CHOOSE TO FEEL THIS WEAK AND DISORIENTED ALL OF THE TIME! I am amazed that people can starve themselves for their job year after year when they are clearly feeling the effects of starvation. Maybe they get used to it....I don't know.

For me, I'm back to food food food. Vegetarian enchiladas tonight, salads and pizza planned for tomorrow.





Anonymous said...

The picture made me hungry yum yum

you need to gain about 20 pounds

The Analyzer said...

It's the same with grey hair too. Men go grey and it's sexy, sexy, sexy. Women get a few and our stylists start yelling about dye jobs.