Friday, January 06, 2006


What is it with balloons in my family?

Me-Ma thinks that any child under twelve will bite and swallow/choke on a balloon. Surprise! Surprise!

When our youngest son, Ice-J was four, he walked right up to a very old person in a wheelchair that had an oxygen tank attached and asked this woman for a balloon. I thought I would die of embarrassment.

Well the balloon saga continues.........................

Leroy (being an extremely bright and odd sort of duck) has another obsession.......balloons. Leroy is afraid of a balloon popping in the car but even more so, Leroy is afraid of you letting a balloon go in the sky. Don't ask me why but he is. This leaves him open for teasing from siblings and I'm afraid to admit.....from me. Let me explain.....

When Leroy thinks you are going to let a balloon go, he does the following:

1. Jumps up and down and flaps his arms like a bird.
2. Emits a high-pitched scream that can kill small animals.
3. If you actually let the balloon go, then Leroy will follow with uncontrollable crying.
4. Lastly, after calming down, Leroy will vow never to have another balloon again and ask you to promise to do the same.

Strange isn't it? But very entertaining.

A while ago, we were at my nightmare restaurant (a.k.a Golden Corral). The kids all got a balloon when they left. Leroy wanted me to hold his because he was afraid it might slip out of his hand.....and we all know what happens from there. As we were waiting to get in the car, I decided to innocently tease Leroy and tell him that the balloon was slipping from my hand. (I think my mean streak was a combination between I was at "The Restaurant From Hell" and my meal had been laced with enough fat lipids to keep me satiated for the next month.) As I was waving the balloon around, Leroy was laughing but then began the bird-like flapping and high pitched screaming. At that point, the balloon really DID slip out of my hand and I watched the red-colored latex with the big Golden Corral stamp on it slip in to the sky. It was silent for about 5 seconds. Every eye was on me and then oh, the crying and screaming that followed was horrific! Leroy was causing all sorts of panic-stricken shouting that I'm sure our fellow restaurant goers believed:

A. We had let him out of the Insane Asylum on a day pass or
B. We were beating him

Bubby gave me the "You are the worst Mom in the whole world" look. I felt so bad that I returned to the restaurant (despite my innate sense of evil that emits from its very brick walls) and asked the clerk to blow up another balloon. I felt awful.

Last night we dined at a Mexican restaurant. I am much happier there then the all-you-can-eat- and-stuff-into-your-obese-gluttonous-body restaurant. The pleasant Spanish speaking waiter gave all the kids a balloon. Great.

As we were leaving, Christian and Tori took it upon themselves to start saying their balloons were slipping out of their hands. Gee, I wonder where they got that from? Leroy was so stressed that he kept hanging on to Izzy's balloon which was tied to Izzy's hand. Leroy was afraid that Izzy's balloon was going to fly away. Izzy was screaming, "Let go of my balloon! Let go of my balloon!" I'm sure we were entertaining the people in the parking lot. I am suprised that we have not had the police called on us..............yet.

After all the arm flapping and screaming, we finally got in to the car and only had to listen to a panic attack-type breathing





because Leroy was convinced one of the balloons was going to pop in the car.
Another fun-filled evening for the All family!


ElleStarr said...

I would just institute a no balloons with Leroy rule: If Leroy is with us, we can't have balloons. Holy cow girl....I was, however, laughing my ass off b/c the Golden Corral is the topic of my horrible experience blog entry right after Thanksgiving. The only saving grace for my trip there was that I got to watch Davie-O as he had to watch everyone at the dessert station!

Anonymous said...

If you'd just listen to Me-Ma all would be fine. NO BALLOONS!!!!!!