Saturday, July 09, 2005


I don't like to kill anything. My children have been instructed that they don't squish any little creatures as well. We go out of our way to capture little (and big) spiders, moths, bees etc., and gently take them outside.

Mommy has lost control.

Way down here in Mayberry, it is hot. Damn hot. It has been in the 90's for weeks and it supposed to get hotter. Every house fly west of the Mississippi has attempted to enter our home. I hate flies. I saw a program on these nasty little insects and all the diseases they can carry and their favorite kinds of food. They are disgusting.

What's more disgusting than a fly? A squished fly in my house, that's what. So I have instructed the children that they cannot kill the flies. "But Mom" they whine, how can we get rid of the flies? We can't catch them in a cup. They are too fast."

After much meditation on the subject, I decided to break the "no killing" rule and suck them up with our central vacuuming system hose. Easy? No.

1. Flies can take off either forwards or backwards.
2. Flies like to land on things that are dark. I kid you not. If they have a choice to land on some dark brown furniture or some light green furniture, they will choose the darker one nearly every time. Tricky little suckers.
3. Once a fly knows it is under attack, it will land on your head or your vacuum attachment so you can't suck it up.

My children are ready to send me to the local psychiatric hospital. All day long yesterday, they heard the vacuum turning on and off a billion times. Just when it was quiet, I would rev up the vacuum again and take off on my quest to kill the next fly.

At one point, a fly landed on Christian's head (he has dark hair and I've proved my fly and dark colors theory again). I turned the vacuum on and rushed toward Christian's scalp with a very long and large vacuum hose.

I've never seen fear in the face of a child like that........


ElleStarr said...

Try a fly paper strip, discreetely placed on top of the fridge or something like that. It does kill the flies, and in a tidy, less psychotic manor. Available at any Walm....Freddies has them.

Anonymous said...

Is that spider upstairs dead yet???????

Anonymous said...

the only good bug is a dead bug. remember your ant episode!!!!!