Tuesday, July 05, 2005


Seven years ago, before adopting children, my friend LaLa dropped by. She said, "Wow! You're house looks like an ad for Pottery Barn." I laughed and secretly prided myself on the looks of our home and my rule to always have fresh flowers around. Fast forward to 2005. Seven animals and five kids later........LaLa recently dropped by and said, "Wow! Um....are you guys moving?"

Now here in Mayberry, there are two silent rules that nobody talks about.
1. Keep your kids looking clean and always dress them in designer clothing.
2. Keep your house immaculate at all times and a well-stocked pantry for impromptu get-togethers with neighbors.

After a really rough day, Bubby said, "Why don't you see how much it would cost to get a maid and figure out how many hours it would take her to clean." I immediately started asking around because EVERYBODY in Mayberry has a maid. Here are three things that I have discovered.
1. No one thinks their maid is fabulous.
2. It would take about six hours a week for a housekeeper to help me out.
3. A maid would set us back about $120.00 a week.

So Bubby went out and bought me five-thousand dollars worth of Italian leather furniture and we STILL don't have a maid. Nor now can we afford one. I absolutely love the furniture. No complaints here.

Bubby, also seeing the desperation in my eyes for help, mentioned that since he hasn't been pulling his weight around the house for chores, he would be glad to put in the six hours on the weekend to help me out. Great! Problem solved! Um....no.

Have I mentioned that Bubby is a perfectionist? I'm not talking the kind of person that likes things a certain way. I'm talking about certifiably looney bin perfection. I'm talking Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It truly is the one trait about Bubby I could live without. Don't get me wrong, Bubby is a great guy. He's sensitive, sexy, intelligent, romantic & hates sports and blocks out all of the ESPN channels on our cable. What more could a woman want?

I saw a show on Oprah last month about people that are perfectionists. The psychoanalyst dude said that perfectionists often live in clutter and filth because they know when they start a project, they can't finish until it is perfect. If it's on Oprah, it's got to be true.

Bubby starts his chore of cleaning the master bathroom at 1:00. At 3:00 he comes out of the bathroom and says that he needs to start getting ready for the 4th of July parade that begins at 4:00. So I walk in the bathroom and the toilet and floor near the toilet are clean and my sink and mirrors are sparkly. That is 25% of our bathroom. The rest (walk-in shower, large jetted tub, Bubby's sink and mirrors, the bathroom floor and walk-in closet) haven't been touched. For two straight hours Bubby has been cleaning the toilet and my sink area. I smile in my best fake smile and say out loud, "it looks great Bubby!" In my mind I'm thinking, "Oh God, I'm never going to have a clean house."

Poor Bubby. He tries. He really wants to help. But here I am on Tuesday, looking at my bathroom and trying to decide if I should finish it up and ignore my children or let it sit until the weekend. What do you think?


Anonymous said...

Forget about getting a maid. A friend once told me a zillion years ago that you should always be leary of a house thats immaculate that has children in it. That means the mom is not spending time with her kids, but cleaning all day! I took that to heart! My home always looks "neat", even to this day. I too have a husband that is a clean freak. He takes over an hour every night after dinner to clean just the kitchen. It drives me crazy. But I let him do, cause I could never get the kitchen to look as clean as he can.

Mayberry Neighbor said...

I, yes I, love my housekeepers. They come 2xper month and only clean my five bathrooms (who in the hell thought it would be good to build a house with 5 bathrooms?) It frees up A LOT of my time and sets me back *80 per month. Now, that said, does this mean my house is always immaculate and my kids look like baby gap ads? Cause I've been gunning for a place on that team since I moved to Mayberry, and I'm just so damn happy to know that I've finally arrived!!