10. Your body decides to wake you out of a dead sleep in a tent in your backyard at 4:30 in the morning to tell you life is not like you think it is.
9. Just in case, your body teaches you a new lesson in retching. It explains to you that there may be something residual left in your stomach since 1983. This is a tutorial in "Patience through Torture."
8. Everything from your scalp to the tips of your toes are in excruciating pain. You wonder if you were struck by a mack truck while sleeping in your backyard. The only way to move from one place to another is to crawl slowly while moaning.
7. Your mouth tastes like ass (refer to #9), but due to intense pain (#8) you are stuck with ass-mouth until you are mobile. It may be days.....
6. You drift in and out of consciousness. You occasionally hear your voice mumbling and moaning aloud.
5. You often yell loudly for your husband to fetch something for you, but by the time he arrives you do not know what you needed (other than a vat of koolaid laced with cyanide).
4. You are so cold with your furry socks, flannel pajamas and three blankets piled on you that you cry big crocodile tears for your husband to turn off the overhead fan that's on low. It's all his fault that you are fucking freezing.
3. You demand Earl Grey tea (because no other will do) and saltines.
2. You curse the Gods that you rid your house of television because when you are sick with a 102 fever, there is nothing better than reality shows and infomercials.
1. You hear your 6 year old walk in and ask the 10 year old, "Is Mommy going to die?" and hear the older one respond "Umm....yes, it is possible." and quite frankly, you can't argue with the 10 year old.