Saturday, July 18, 2009

GO GREEN! SHAVE YOUR MUFF AND HELP THE EARTH!

Not only will having a smooth hoo-hoo help your sex life, it can possibly help you grow bigger, tastier vegetables as well. Who knew?



You can imagine my surprise when Bubby ordered "Smart Grow" hair mats for my garden. 120,00 pounds of human hair from India & China are boiled to 120 degrees and then woven in to mats (Smart Grow won't accept American hair because it's too damaged and processed). You then put the hair mats either on the top-soil or planted in the soil . They keep away bugs, weeds, provide excellent drainage and are a terrific supply of nitrogen and other micro nutrients that nourish the roots.

The downside to this is that even though it's a great product (Florida alone used 2 millions mats last year in gardens and farms), and boosts tomato production 48%....Smart Grow is spending big bucks to pay the women of India & China for their hair, then shipping it back to the United States for distribution. This is a dire issue for all of us trying to become localvores. But I have an idea!

If we all shaved our unprocessed and beautiful beaver hairs and sold it to Smart Grow, maybe there might be enough to start keeping hair mats right here the United States of America! Just think how much money Smart grow could save in overseas shipping costs!

Who's willing to help the cause?

19 comments:

Candice said...

I've seen plenty of nasty muff since I've been a nurse. If this ever catches on, I'm going to be strictly a carnivore. Trust it!

tallulah said...

Candice-7 words.....
You eat tomatoes grown from
cow shit.

MeesheMama said...

I'm having a hard enough time referring to it as "my beaver hair" let alone trying to figure out how to go about selling it, but sure, if the company would go for it, I'm on board. Of course, why can't I just shave and sprinkle it around on my own? That's the most local I can get. (That's the best "what will the neighbors think" scenario I can imagine right now.)

I'm off to research this.

tallulah said...

MeesheMama-Shave and sprinkle. Words of the wise.

Jodi said...

Well, this whole post and all the comments are just making me sick! Sick, sick! When we talked about this earlier on my blog, I didn't know we were talking about THAT!

BUT, I LOVE your new blog face! How'd you do that? I tried to change mine last winter to a really cool one I found that fit my blog title perfectly. But it screwed everything up and my kids had to fix it for me.

Love, love, love it!

john said...

you are HYSTERICAL!!!

kate said...

Oh. my. god. That's just really all I can say.

This post made me laugh out loud; I so needed that this morning! :)

I can see this concept really catching on in Hidden Springs...

Michelle said...

I'm scared!

Carlos said...

im in but agree hoo hoo and beaver hair seem outdated. need a new hotness to call it by

tallulah said...

Jodi-You need the IQ of a houseplant to make your blog look pretty. Not that I'm sayin anything....

tallulah said...

Carlos-I've always been a "penis" and "vagina" kind of girl. Not very good with those made up names. Maybe you have a name you would like to share. Psychologically, it may make the plants grow bigger.

tallulah said...

Kate-Don't be scared. Going green can set you free!

John-I wish Bubby felt the same way.

Kate-With all the swingers out here, you think they could shave for the organic farm we have. It's the least they could do...right?

Candice said...

Hey, I'll take cow shit tomato any day over rotten, diseased, smell like death vagina tomato.

Call me crazy.

Jodi said...

T, I think you just called me a moron!

And, just FYI, chemo the first time, pretty much clears things up. The second time? You never have to worry about shaving ANYWHERE again! I may have a few rogue hairs on my legs that I have to get on once a year, but other than that, nothing!

Jennboree said...

I can see the sign now at the farmer's market: Pubic Tomatoes. People will just think that's a clerical error.

You know, men can also contribute to this cause.

All together now...EWWWWWW!

Jennboree said...

Kickass profile pic, T!

Jodi said...

LOVE the profile picture! Ok, ok, those glasses aren't that bad...

tallulah said...

Thanks Jenn!

Jodi-You don't have to sugar-coat the glasses. You should see the looks when I'm out in public. Hilarious!

tallulah said...

Jenn-Pubic tomatoes? Hahahahha. That is funny!