Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Strange facts about Bubby:

1. He has Eagle Eyes. Bubby can see things that are very hard to see like hawks in trees or animals darting in the brush. Bubby has perfect night vision and can see objects in the black of night.

2. He has a black belt in WangChungKingKongFuPhooey (or whatever the name of that martial arts is). He studied the same style that Bruce Lee studied. This type of martial arts is not allowed in tournaments because it is a street-form kind of fighting that leaves you without eyeballs or a heart.

3. He is incredibly intelligent and has off the scales IQ.

You would think that these three super-human qualities would be something of an advantage for a woman looking for a spouse. For example:

A. Man can see things from far away. "Go hunt deer."
B. Man can keep you safe by killing any enemy with his bare hands. "My woman. You die."
C. Man is smart and that certain kind of intelligence can keep his actions from getting you, himself or his family in to trouble from A or B. " I rub two sticks to make fire. We stay warm and will not turn to ice blocks when snow comes."

But as I am about to tell you, these three qualities do not help me at all during the night. Let's say for instance that one of the children has gotten sick or I heard a noise in the garage. If I go to wake up Bubby to say, help me with the sick child or check the suspicious noise.....I will severely regret it. There is validity to the term, "Don't Wake Daddy!"

You see, Bubby immediately wakes up in fight mode from the dead of sleep. It's as if he has been sleeping in a foxhole for the past three days and is surrounded by his enemy.
I have been given a black eye, have had the wind knocked out of me lying flat on the ground gasping for air, have been choked and not to mention nearly peed my pajamas several times from him scaring me so badly.

So just to let you know, if something happens in the middle of the night that does not constitute abandoning the house because of a fire, Bubby will not be woken up. He can sleep his peaceful slumber while kids puke, valuables get stolen or while a Hurricane spins overhead! So despite your super-human qualities, Bubby I still love you after 18 years.


Jennboree said...

hahaha! That was great! It seems though, that he leaves the last of those three fabulous attributes under the pillow when responding to waking up in the middle of the night, however :)

So why exactly did he decide to learn how to kill or be killed?

Mama Wheaton said...

That is so great. He is sounds like the almost perfect man. Minus the killing mode of course. Maybe you can get a long poking stick for those emergency wake up moments.