HOLIDAY CHEER

I'm one of those Mom's who loves all of those corny Christmas performances. I look forward to seeing all of the children's innocent faces singing Christmas carols at the tops of their lungs. I take time to reflect on when I was a child and how fun it was to sing and dance and still believe in Santa.

Izzy was a Bunny Rabbit in the play "The Christmas Quilt"

I realize that everyone does not share my enthusiasm for Christmas concerts. This became quite clear when I attended Tori's Orchestra concert. Most people cringe at the thought of a bunch of violins screeching to "Little Drummer Boy".

Right before the concert, Izzy announced he had to go potty NOW! We scurried to the nearest bathroom, but it was being used for all of the girls primping before their performance. I then explained to Izzy that we had to go to the other bathroom down the hall. Most of the Elementary students were still in class so I reminded Izzy that we had to use our "hushed school voices" so as to not bother the students.

We reached the restroom and inside the door there were six stalls. A girl of about 14 was standing in the middle of the bathroom and it was obvious she was waiting for someone in the stall. The person turned out to be her Mother and at first, I thought her Mom was talking to her through the door. After Izzy went in to a stall and asked for "privacy please", I stood outside of his door and realized that the Mom was not talking to her daughter but was on the cell phone. Here is what I heard as I stood waiting for Izzy.........

"I can't help you find Johnny right now. I'm at a fucking concert for Frieda. Yeah, yeah I know...stupid. Where the hell could Johnny have gone? He didn't even have a fucking coat on. That little shit is always taking

UGGHHHEEEHHHHH

EEHHHEUUGGGGGHHH

Goddammit! I've got to take a huge shit.

UGHEEEHHHUUUGGGHHH

As soon as this concert is over, I'll go over and help you find Johnny. The last time didn't the neighbors call the police? That's just what you need right now, fucking Social Services involved again."

This entire time, I am just standing there with my laser eyes staring at this girl. I am trying to will her to run as fast as she can to anywhere but where her loser Mother is taking a shit while talking on the phone to her loser friend. I try to mind meld with her and say, "Run like Johnny. Run like the wind. Stay here and you will end up just like her." It didn't work of course, and I now wonder if the girl was even embarrassed.

Izzy called me to help him pull up his pants. As I went in to the stall, I heard the toilet flush and hoped that I would get to steal a glance of this woman as she was washing her hands. Damn if she didn't wash her hands and left before I could see her!

As we were walking back to the concert, this conversation ensued:

Izzy: "Mom! That woman was saying bad words!"

Me: "I know honey. Not everyone makes the right choices."

Izzy: "She was saying bad words about Christmas too. She doesn't believe in Santa does she? I bet you she is on Santa's naughty list."

Me: "I bet you are right."

Izzy: "Why was she talking to her girl that way?"

Me: "She wasn't. She was talking on the cell phone while she was going potty."

LONG PAUSE..........

Izzy: "That's just wrong Mom."

Amen brother. Amen.