Every time I look at this picture...it breaks my heart. 
This photo was taken after I picked up Izzy from preschool. Tears are brimming in his eyes and he is so sad with his little turkey-hat upon his head.
Why is he so sad? For the same reason EVERY time I took him to preschool...."Mom? Why did you leave me there?" Izzy would ask.
I don't know about other Mom's....but I always had this picture in my mind of my children skipping off to preschool, happy and excited about the adventures they would encounter. And because of this ideal I had firmly planted in my head, it was hard to let go. I would convince myself by saying, "Oh, Izzy is just having a bad day." or "Izzy is just suffering from separation anxiety, I just need to give it time."
Then Bubby had the question of the year after hearing me whine about Izzy's anger and sadness...."WHY are you pushing our THREE year old to go to school? Isn't this the time when he is supposed to be attached to his Mommy? You don't have much time with him left before he has to be at school EVERY weekday. Time is running out."
Sometimes my friends, it takes a verbal slap in the face to wake me up. Then the dam broke. I cried and cried knowing it was the right thing to do. I cried because I had been so selfish for wanting that time to myself two days a week. I cried because I had been pushing Izzy all this time when he clearly wasn't ready. I cried because the ideal that I had in my head had been shattered. "You're right. You're right. I know you're right." I said.
And that day, with the turkey on Izzy's head, was the last day I took him to preschool.
This photo was taken after I picked up Izzy from preschool. Tears are brimming in his eyes and he is so sad with his little turkey-hat upon his head.Why is he so sad? For the same reason EVERY time I took him to preschool...."Mom? Why did you leave me there?" Izzy would ask.
I don't know about other Mom's....but I always had this picture in my mind of my children skipping off to preschool, happy and excited about the adventures they would encounter. And because of this ideal I had firmly planted in my head, it was hard to let go. I would convince myself by saying, "Oh, Izzy is just having a bad day." or "Izzy is just suffering from separation anxiety, I just need to give it time."
Then Bubby had the question of the year after hearing me whine about Izzy's anger and sadness...."WHY are you pushing our THREE year old to go to school? Isn't this the time when he is supposed to be attached to his Mommy? You don't have much time with him left before he has to be at school EVERY weekday. Time is running out."
Sometimes my friends, it takes a verbal slap in the face to wake me up. Then the dam broke. I cried and cried knowing it was the right thing to do. I cried because I had been so selfish for wanting that time to myself two days a week. I cried because I had been pushing Izzy all this time when he clearly wasn't ready. I cried because the ideal that I had in my head had been shattered. "You're right. You're right. I know you're right." I said.
And that day, with the turkey on Izzy's head, was the last day I took him to preschool.
5 comments:
Tallulah, don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's heartbreaking to send a 3-year old to school.
My third son, Yoav, went to school at two. I sent him because I want free time, grown up time.
He cried, and I cried most of the times I drop him off to school for 4 hours a day.
Turns out, he had some laguage delay despite his being able to put together a dismantled computer at age 2. So he has to stay in school. He's almost caught up in his language. He can still figure out computer stuff faster than anyone, can remember procedures better than anyone.
My point is, all good Mommies worry about their kids being sent to school too soon.
My daughter went at three, and she is your vission of "skipping" happily towards it, embracing the whole experience.
Bubby is right also. All too soon, they're in school all day. My kids are home from school at 330PM, asleep by 730PM. In the morning, it's a rush to get to school. In the 4 hours that they're awake at home, there's piano lessons, homework, violin lessons, chess and choir clubs etc.
We have the whole weekend, but ot's just never the same.
Ops...sorry to go on and on and on.
Mommy guilt sucks. We never know if we've got it right until it becomes obvious. Then it's usually too late to feel good about getting it right, and far enough into it to keep the guilt heaped high.
I completely understand. I was exactly like you...only, with a two year old! My husband asked the very same thing of me and I felt like total crap for days. Especially when I got the call to pick her up and she was standing in the middle of the room bawling while the rest of class skipped around, happy and excited about their adventures.
I think often such little kids love the concept of school but have a hard time adjusting to all the other children and separation from Mommy. And that is perfectly OKAY.
Don't feel bad. Izzy just isn't ready. Bella's teachers did tell me to spend the next several months before next fall "weaning" her from me with small hours away. Like a music class or something where Mommy is gone about an hour. We're gonna try that.
Liz here from I Speak of Dreams.
Like Shoshana said, don't be so hard on yourself.
I sent my daughter to preschool 3 days a week when she was three, and she loved it. You don't know till you try it if the program is a match or your kid is ready.
As you know, I'm a hard-core realist. It's all a learning experience. I'm sure the little man appreciates his time with you more than he would have without the "preschool experience". That is not a bad thing!
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