continues......
I am coming to the conclusion that Izzy would be happy if he never left home. If we never went to run errands, to the park, riding our bikes and to school, the kid would be happy as a clam.
I am discovering:
Izzy. Hates. Transitions.
Even when I give him a heads up:
Me: "Hey Izzy! In about 5 minutes we are going to run errands so finish up the picture you are drawing."
Izzy: "I HATE errands."
Me: "I know. We won't be too long. I'll pack you a granola bar you can eat in the car."
Izzy: "I HATE granola bars."
And the conversation goes on and on and on..........
Well anyone who has read my blog for the past few months knows that Izzy HATES school. No reason why other than "I'm not with my Mommy."
On Thursday, reportedly everything was going well. I left Izzy at preschool and he was happy. Ms. K calls me up about 45 minutes before school is out and I can't even hear her speaking on the phone. There is this really annoying loud kid in the background SCREAMING at the top of his lungs. You know, the kind that makes dogs howl and gives you temporary hearing loss. I say a little prayer saying, "Thank God that's not MY kid." Then Ms. K says:
"We have had a challenging day."
Me: "Izzy?"
Ms. K: "Yes. Izzy was doing great. Then it was time for snacks and he was lying on the floor. I asked Izzy to get up and join the class for snack. That's when he shouted, "NEVER! I WILL NEVER HAVE A SNACK!"
Me: (defeated) Oh. Great.
Ms. K: "He doesn't want to come home but I told him if he didn't stop destroying things and throwing things that I would call Mom to come pick him up. I need you to help me tallulah. I need you to follow through and pick him up."
Me: "I'll be right there."
I drove the 23.2 seconds down to the Preschool. Ms. K wanted to talk to me. She wanted to instruct me on how to deal with Izzy (satan) before he saw me. You see, Ms. K is also a teacher of the Love and Logic way of parenting. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Ms. K: "Don't give him any attention about his tantruming" she instructed. "If he mentions that he doesn't want to go home, just say, 'Sorry buddy, you made the choice to misbehave. You can try again next week.'
So I did what I was told. I listened to the ear-piercing screaming as I threw him over my shoulder and threw (placed nicely) in his car seat. I listened to him scream 23.2 seconds in the confines of a mini-van all the way home. I listened to him scream as I climbed the 32 steps to the front door with him under my arm. I listened to him scream as I placed him oh, so gently in his bed and told him to stay there until I fixed his lunch. I listened to him scream for 18.3 minutes before I burst into the room cursing Love and Logic.
Me: (kneeling down next to the bed in an authoritative voice that was....ahem...loud) "THAT is enough!"
Izzy: (getting off the bed and coming towards me with a balled fist) Aaaarrrrghgghgh!
Yep. That's right people. The three year old punched me in the face!
Okay.....I need to take a breather here....even as I type.................................
I was so shocked. Okay. Stunned. Izzy had never hit me before. I'm his Mommy. I'm the protector. I'm the one that he constantly wants attached to my hip 24/7.
The little shit was challenging the role as Alpha male.
And sadly (for him I'm sure) he lost.
I'm the" ever- so-patient-Mommy." I'm the "no-spanking-Mommy-we can talk-about-our-feelings-Mommy."
This day...Mommy lost it. This day, Mommy pulled down his pants and spanked him three times on the bare bottom. And as I type, I feel incredibly guilty for doing it. I know spanking is for parents that are lazy or have run out of ideas. And at the time, I really felt like I had run of ideas.
I wish that there were a better way. Maybe there is and I don't know about it. Maybe I was totally off the parenting scale on this one. I really don't know.
What I do know is that Izzy has been nothing but "lovey dovey" since I crushed his Mommy image. He wrote Ms. K an apology card full of scribbles and colors and gave it personally to Ms. K today complete with hugs and kisses and telling her how very sorry he was.
He asked if he could go to school next week and try again. He told me that he will change his attitude.
And even though I send out the good and positive thoughts out there. Even though I hope for the best, I am aware that maybe Izzy at this age (and maybe even never) will accept the transitions that are laid before him.
I can give him a heads up. The teachers can give him a heads up. All the people in his life may prepare him for a transition and sadly, he may just never be up for the challenge.
Any bets how long it will be before he gets kicked out of preschool?
**Hey! I had a cute picture to go with this blog but I can't get any pictures to load. Anyone else having this problem through blogger?
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3 comments:
"I know spanking is for parents that are lazy or have run out of ideas." I do have to respectfully disagree, at least on the "lazy" part. Because I think spanking, when used appropriately, can yield a positive result. I do agree with the "last resort" concept, because that's the only time I've ever spanked The Boy. Sometimes there come moments when NOTHING will work. And the majority of the times I have resorted to spanking, The Boy was literally hysterical, like how you described Izzy. A swat on the butt really does snap them out of it, so to speak. Then once they're back in "reality land" you can deal with them. It seems clear to me that the spanking worked for Izzy. It may not have been your preferred method but I'm sure he remembers it and will make attempts to steer clear of that behavior in the future. And the next time he has a meltdown you may not spank him but it might be a helpful reminder to him to stop the behavior. I agree with Momsquared, too...we can't always be the Mommy we want to be every moment. I've felt guilty for spanking The Boy too, but I know that it's such a rare thing that I forgive myself pretty quickly.
I completely agree with Momsquared and Just a Girl.
Sometimes kids get so far out in their emotional spin, they need a jolt back to reality and composure.
It isn't like you smack the boy around or lock him in the closet, ya know? :)
It sounds to me, Tallulah, like that boy WANTED to be spanked. Like he needed that kind of discipline so that he could process the inappropriate nature of his actions. Like without some kind of physical punishment, he couldn't understand that he'd done anything wrong. He's been happy since then, right? So why feel guilty? You helped him deal with something. You're a great mom!
I say, whatever works, you know? You didn't hurt him. He's fine. You know how some big boys like to be spanked? Well, some little boys do too. They may or may not grow up to be the big boys who like to be spanked. And there you go.
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