Tuesday, July 25, 2006
My friend The Analyzer just informed me yesterday that school will be starting in a couple of weeks. I checked my calendar and yes, she is right again! How could I have forgotten about that?
I'm in denial.
The Analyzer has four young children. Her youngest will start Kindergarten this Fall. I have four young children and my youngest will start preschool this fall. For two whole days for three hours he will be in school. Six hours a week is not a lot. But it's enough to make me tear up as I type.
I will be walking my baby (YES! MY BABY!) a block down the street to the Way Down In Mayberry preschool and leaving him in the care of someone other than a relative? It feels like a death. My heart aches at the thought of Izzy carrying his new backpack with IZZY inscribed on it proudly marching to his classroom.
Away from Mom.
Away from his dependence on me.
Off on new adventures that will be his own.
Sniff. I guess I am not ready. And I suppose a lot of Mother's aren't either. There seems to be the ones that are pushing them out the door so they can meet their friends at Starbucks and then there's the pathetic Mom's like myself. Mom's trying not to shed tears while walking away. Knowing that a very important part of your life (and theirs) is coming to an end. And hoping that you did okay.
I've watched how quickly my children have grown. How as they get older they don't need you as much. They have friends and responsibilities and activities. Sure, you are their Mom and they will always love and need you. But it's just not the same. I want to keep them small always. I can't and it hurts.
Tomorrow we leave for our last hoo-ha before school starts. A vacation planned at a cabin with our own dock and paddle boat. We will fish, swim, BBQ and ride horses.
I will keep in the back of my mind that there aren't an infinite amount of summers before they are gone. Our lazy summers won't last forever.
Bubby and I can try to create as many memories as we can before they are grown, but there will never be enough time............................