Saturday, July 01, 2006

DOWN THERE

You women know what I'm talking about.

That area below the bellybutton. (Note: do not continue reading this blog if you are sensitive to bawdy humor or you are my Mother)

Love triangle
Trim
Va-jay-jay
Coochy

You get the picture girls.

Well I'm in a quandary with the Beaver (do you have a special name?) My problem has to do with shaving, not shaving, plucking, Nair-ing this area.

Every time I shave, you would think that I had some disgusting STD. It itches incessantly. The bumps swell up to be the size of dimes. You know what I'm talking about. Very attractive in a swimming suit I might add.

When I Nair my sensitive skin, it looks like I've been a victim of a terrible fire..... tortured by some lover gone bad.

So tonight, Bubby fixed me a four-shot Margarita in a mammoth-sized tumbler and I drank it in 15. 2 seconds (hey, I was thirsty.) I then waited for a very good buzz and then proceeded to WAX some of the Beav.

Notice the word some.

I must be a real sissy when it comes to pain because AFTER THE SCREAMING AND TEARS SUBSIDED, I had one area the size of a stick of gum waxed.

Uh....uh. No more. I have resigned to the fact that one small area of my Beaver will be smooth for the next six weeks. Everything else can remain a wild jungle.

I've been researching Laser treatments. Has anyone out there in blogland had this procedure? I'm aware of the costs, and I will fork out the dough and forgo my children's college education if I have to. But first I want to make sure that all of those advertisements donning smooth-as-a-babies-butt men and women smiling in their speedo's and bikini's are legitimate. I would hate to be zapped "down there" repeatedly for three or four treatments, only to discover that the Beaver is in a perpetual state of stubble.

Any thoughts?

6 comments:

The Analyzer said...

Waxing is not all it's cracked up to be. I ended up with a nasty, scabby bikini line because it ripped so much damn skin off. I too am checking into laser, but I fear my short and curlies might be too light for it to be affective. The Crier got a different kind of wax at a salon in town where the wax is a much lower temperature and it didn't hurt as much or leave her with nearly as much rash.

Sarah said...

Wax is only for people who love pain, I, too once had a tiny smooth spot that was accompanied by much screaming and a few tears.

I'm Just a Girl said...

My OBGYN's office does laser hair removal. In fact I was there last week for a checkup and my doctor actually showed me her bikini line (gotta love the unabashed nakedness of OBGYN's offices, right?) Anyway, she WAS smooth and said it was only two treatments. May be worth looking into!

Gatxan said...

I use to have it waxed in a professional aesthetic center. It is much better than to do it by yourself: no big pain, no cries, no losing skin and you get a very nice triangle done. On the other hand, I’d have laser if it wasn’t so expensive: it is safe and really a forever solution if you get it in a professional center.

Jennboree said...

"...tortured by some lover gone bad."

HA!

When they let me buy my own laser to do the procedure at home, then I probably will.

Remember the Epilady? That device designed by a man to rip every hair out accompanied by a blood-curdling scream? Yeah, my mom still uses that thing. Guess some think pain is worth a stub-free environment.

tallulah said...

I'm crossing my legs as I type reading all of these Beaver comments. Ouch! I'm still recovering from the waxing incident. Epilady? No way!