Thursday, June 22, 2006

THE (DREADED) POOL

Every year Way Down In Mayberry, I try to avoid the pool as much as possible. For years I have tried to over come my negative self body image.

It's. Just. Not. Working.

We women are so hard on ourselves.

Well today I was pleasantly surprised. There was only one woman there (and there were a lot of Mom's there today) that didn't have board shorts on. All the other women were wearing their water shorts and covering up their swimming suits. I could tell that I wasn't the only one self-conscious about my body.

When I do take off my tank top and stand in my bikini, people always stare. Here is what I KNOW they are thinking:

"Oh. My. God."
"Can you believe how pale she looks? That woman glows in the dark."
"Gee. What's THAT tattoo supposed to be?"
"Has she ever thought about getting a boob job?"
"I didn't know someone that skinny could have all of those pockets of cellulite."
"I cannot BELIEVE that a mother of five has a belly ring. How tacky."
"Have you seen that woman's feet? Good lord, it looks as if her last pedicure was in 1986."
"Well she definitely won't be in the next Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue."

And the list goes on and on........................

But today, It finally hit me like a ton of bricks! Why am I wasting all this time caring about what other people think of me in a swimming suit? Good God! This does not define me as a person. Will I be on my deathbed someday wondering why I chose the navy blue suit over the green number? I finally have realized that in all areas of my life (except for this one), I have always had a "fuck you attitude."

"Take me as I am."
"This is me."
"No pretentiousness."
"Love me or don't but here is the package."

Yet, when it comes to my body, I always lack confidence.

"I need to cover up."
"I don't want people to stare."
"I'm so fat."
"Why am I so ugly?"

But today is a new day people! I am setting myself free of the self-inflicted restraints that keep me from enjoying my life more fully. I'm going to walk with confidence. I'm going to smile and not have a care in the world. And if any of the people Way Down In Mayberry have a problem with the way I look, well fuck them too.

And you know, I might just go out and buy a white, t-backed thong and wear it to the pool with confidence. At least for one day, until I'm kicked out of the pool and my privledges at
the pool are revoked.................................

8 comments:

MomSquared said...

Yeah!!

Anonymous said...

I remember when I wouldn't wear shorts because I was self-conscious. Doesn't bother me a bit after looking at how others look....and who cares. I'm not getting paid to look great. Of course I didn't use the FFFF word. lol

Serendipity said...

OMG...that's the truth...although I am going to try this year.

On Saturday, I'll have a mini-reunion with my college best friends, all of us has kids...however, I just know it. I'll be the fatest!

I used to be the sexiest! :P

And I am not even going to mention how one is a doctor now, one is a millionair, and I am not a millionaire yet. Duh!

Jennboree said...

One of many reasons our next home will come with a pool. Then I can wallow around the pool in all my cellulite and post-baby belly glory.

MomToTracyNSheri said...

You just need another tattooed, pierced, non-playboy-centerfold mom to go with you so you can laugh at all the geeky moms together.

I'd volunteer but I don't know where Way Down in Mayberry is. You can come use the pool in my backyard if you wanna.

The Analyzer said...

Wow. What time where you there? Cause when I was there at 3:00 this afternoon is was all blonde, tan, and trying their hardest. No board shorts at 3. I actually went in today; not only am I probably whiter than you, but I had errant pubes hanging out too. That's what I get for shaving without my contacts!

Anonymous said...

GO TO ANY BEACH IN EUROPE IN THE SUMMER-TRUST ME, NO ONE WOULD BE LOOKING AT YOU- YOU WOULD BE STARING AT EVERYONE ELSE-FAT OR BONY MEN IN TINY TINY SPEEDOS, OVERWEIGHT WOMEN IN BIKINIS WITH NO I REPEAT NO BODY PARTS SHAVED, TOPLESS PEOPLE AND THE LIST GOES ON. THIS BODY IMAGE THING IS DEFINITELY AN AMERICAN HANG UP DRILLED INTO ALL GIRLS (NOT BOYS) FROM CHILDHOOD. DONUT

Jennboree said...

Oh, I disagree. Boys have just as much hang up about their bodies, at least teens and early 20's do.

True though about Europe. We went to St. Martin and everyone was naked. Nothing like a 85 yr old naked man chasing his also naked wife into the ocean. Gravity is harsh.