NEVER NEVER NEVER

I'm NEVER going to get to the live Oprah show. To me, really, is life worth going on? So I devised a plan.............bare with me people.

I went to the Oprah website and read about all of the topics that you could email the producers about. I figure, if I can't be in the audience, maybe I could actually be on the show and get to meet the almighty queen herself! So her producers are looking for upcoming topics and guests and are wanting them to email them back. For instance: Do you know a friend who is depressed? Do you need a makeover? blah blah blah. Well I came to a question that read, "Husbands, has your wife let herself go?"
PERFECT! I devised a plan where Bubby could write to the producers saying that he's not happy with my weight gain, gray hair, dull skin and unshaven body hair. He could say that sometimes he comes home from work, and I'm still in my pajamas. It is all true.

Bubby came home that evening and I was all prepared for my speech. You see, I'm getting desperate. Bubby walks in the door and is so sweet to me. He gives me big hugs and tells me how sexy I am and how much he loves my body. Bubby goes on to say how pretty I am and how I'm a great Mom and how sometimes he wishes we could adopt another child Izzy's age.
Damn! How could he see me so differently than from how I see myself?

Foiled again! I didn't even talk with him about the "get on the Oprah show plan". I smiled sweetly, accepted his praise and now I have to turn to plan B........

Problem is.....I don't have a plan B.