Sunday, December 04, 2005

CURIOUS GEORGE MEETS CRAZY TALLULAH

I'm sure there are plenty of parents out there who have a single child or maybe two children close together. Those parents probably look back on their children's storybooks with a certain nostalgia. The parents have positive feelings of when their children were small and innocent and miss reading those books to thier kids.

I've been reading children's books to my kids for fifteen years. I guess this is what happens when you create a family with siblings farther apart in ages. You

NEVER

EVER

QUIT

READING

CHILDREN'S

BOOKS

AND

YOUR

MIND

GOES

TO

MUSH..........

That said, I really don't have a beef with most children's books. Some are entertaining. Some are boring. Most children's books are of the average sort.........except for Curious George. I will preface this rant by saying ALL of the five children have LOVED Curious George books.

In the first book, Curious George is in Africa. George is living out a happy little monkey life. The Man With The Yellow Hat wants to capture George so he tricks him and traps him inside of his yellow hat. Then The Man With The Yellow Hat takes him to America to sell him to the Zoo. The night before being caged for the rest of his entire, sad and lonely existence.......Curious George eats a tasty dinner and smokes a pipe (although it is probably not one of the popular pipes going around these days because it was originally published in 1941). The last illustration is of George sitting in a tree in the Zoo surrounded by a several African Animals. George is happy.

In the second book, Curious George escapes from the Zoo (most likely due to malnutrition and mistreatment). George breaks a leg and The Man With The Yellow Hat sees him in the newspaper. At the hospital, George snorts too much Ether (I am not making this up) and ends up passed out by the time The Man With The Yellow Hat comes to pick him up. TMWTYHat wakes him up by dousing him with a cold shower. TMWTYHat then makes a documentary of Georges happy times in Africa and sells it to a movie producer. First selling him to a Zoo. Then selling him out. The Man With The Yellow Hat is evil.

The following books.......believe me, we have them all, are about Curious George's adventures. The interesting thing about the books is that George ALWAYS gets curious, ALWAYS gets in to trouble and then ALWAYS gets off the hook for his misbehavior. If Curious George ruins a movie reel at the Theatre, that's okay! He kept the audience busy with shadow hand puppets. George deserves a reward with a big bucket of popcorn! If George dumps all of the dirt from the back of a dump truck in to a pond, that's okay! The ducks have a new home. George gets rewarded by The Man With The Yellow Hat with a picnic at the park.

Where is Curious George's consequences to his bad behavior? Why isn't Curious George doing community service or repaying the people for the damage that he has done? Isn't that what we are supposed to teach our children? Why am I going on and on about a children's book? Do I have too much time on my hands?

Breathe...............

So here at Tallulah's house, I have gone on a Curious George books strike! That means poor Izzy will have to rely on Papa or MeMa for his fix. In the meantime, I have devised some spoof books in my head about Curious George's demise:

Curious George goes to the Mental Hospital
In this book, George and The Man With The Yellow Hat go to visit a relative in the Mental Institution. While TMWTYHat goes to check on something, George gets curious and runs off. He sees somebody in a room with funny clothing on. They can't move their arms! George tries the door but it is locked. George sees another room with someone hitting himself against the sides of the walls. The walls are padded and look bouncy. George is curious and wants to bounce around in a rubber room. Darnit! This room is locked too! George finally finds a room with a door that is unlocked. The room is empty except for some strange looking equipment inside. What could it be? George is Curious! George tries on a funny looking hat and plays with some odd little buttons. Then Curious George gets several thousand bolts of electricity traveling through his head. Curious George's brain ends up a crispy little french fry.

Oh sure, there would be several books that would sequence the Mental Hospital book, but the chapters in George after-life would be few:
Curious George Visits a Funeral Home (in a box)
Curious George Gets Cremated
Curious George goes to Purgatory

I have such an eclectic group of readers who are intelligent and witty. I would love to hear what titles you have for the end of Curious George's pathetic little monkey life. Post a comment and share!

2 comments:

The Anaylzer said...

Oh come on! Can't you remember liking Curious George? That and Alice in Wonderland? A pedophile writes about a tasty morsel while reliving a drug trip, and I just thought it was fantasy. Let'em have their George! Golly, you're such a killjoy!

geezette said...

...your ideas are wonderful and I would love to read your books, but are you SURE that you have all this time to be blogging? Christmas is coming and there is soap to be made. LOL.