Tuesday, November 22, 2005


Have you ever seen Oprah when she has the "What Not To Wear" women on her show? They transform women you would see at the mall in to hot chicks with attitudes. It really is an amazing transformation. At first you see the What Not To Wear women pull aside some poor lady with Wrangler jeans and a frumpy sweatshirt laced with teddy bears. The next thing you know they are in cute trousers with perky-strapped heels and a low-cut blouse revealing that buxom bosom they have been hiding since 1992.

Well I am in a funk. A real Way Down In Mayberry funk that could border on dangerous. It all came to a head yesterday when we went over to my brother's house for Thanksgiving dinner. Let me explain............

My brother, who I will call Brother Buddha in blogland, has the innate ability to be about as Zen as a man can get. Brother Buddha is always calm and is a man of few words. Brother Buddha is also a really nice guy. So when my brother commented to me that "I looked nice" yesterday, I knew he was genuine. If I didn't look nice, he wouldn't say so.

Here were my wardrobe options for Thanksgiving dinner:

A. Three year old sweats from Walmart and a Christmas Snoopy t-shirt.
B. Outfits bordering on Holiday glamorous that you wear once a year to a dinner party.
C. My catering black & whites. (which I chose...and opted for one of two sweaters I own)

What I really wanted to wear, I didn't own:

1. Lucky Brand jeans. Low ride. Boot cut. $118.00
2. Cashmere sweater. Powder Blue. Gap. $89.00
3. Looking cute and slim with five children in tow. Priceless.

My problem, and my guess is every other Mom on the planet that doesn't have a disposable income, is that we have to make purchasing choices every day. Will my children eat peanut butter & jelly six times this week so that Mommy can have that cute top or will Mommy do without? Most often than not, Mom goes without. Which is why, we stay-at-home Mom's have two wardrobe choices on a daily basis. Dress in sweats, ratty t-shirts and tennis shoes, or dress in sequined tops with lacy black skirts while we do laundry, change diapers and scrub toilets.

I would love to have a "wearable wardrobe". Cute clothes that you don't have to iron. Trousers, jeans, sweaters and boots. Funky jackets and jewelry. But to have these things, one must sacrifice other things. Does Leroy really need new underwear? Can Izzy do without a winter coat for three more weeks?

Well after surveying my pathetic wardrobe in my walk in closet (that you really can't walk in to due to the mountains of dirty laundry), I'm thinking that maybe my kids could do without. Maybe cereal for dinner for a couple of weeks isn't looking so bad. I'm clearly aware of What Not To Wear. I'm astute in the fact that I look like crap most days and I don't like it. I used to be a walking ad for J.Crew. Now I'm a walking ad for Deseret Industries. Just check out the photo of me in an over-sized sweatshirt with holes, no makeup, a drink in my hand and a child on my lap, half-naked with a playdough mask on his face. Don't I look happy? Very scary Way Down in Mayberry people. Not pretty.


The Analyzer said...

OH MY GOD! No one ever told me that I was feeding the kids PB&J so that I could save money. If that's the case, with the amount of it that my kids eat, I should have a fab-boo wardrobe. Me thinks there is a flaw in the logic somewhere. And really, the only thing wrong with that photo is that your glass is empty....

Anonymous said...

Brother Buddha, I'll get you for that!!!