PLETHORA OF PETS

I love our animals. I really do. We accumulated all seven of them before we started adopting and birthing babies. All of our pets are geriatric now and will probably keel over at any moment. We have stopped taking our cats to the vet in hopes that they won't stay as healthy and will die sooner. They have had very spoiled and happy kitty lives. Its' time for them to move on and I pray to god they don't have 8 more lives to go. I know that seems sadistic, but with two large dogs and five cats and four kids.....it is just too much. We are way in over our heads.

Most people say they are either "dog people" or "cat people". People that say they are dog people somehow think that cats don't have personalities. These people obviously haven't met my kitties. Here is a list of their favorite foods:

Toto - Can hear you peeling a BANANA from the other room. Toto will eat the entire banana if you let him so you have to share. Toto will dip his little kitty paws in an ice cold martini glass full of gin to scoop out the GREEN OLIVE. Toto will tear your hand off for a green olive soaked in gin and vermouth.

Quasimodo - He is our frat cat. Quasi loves FRENCH FRIES, POTATO CHIPS, PIZZA and BEER.

Pooh - Pooh can smell and track down a CANTALOUPE a mile down the road. He loves to eat cantaloupe and will break all the kitty rules (like no jumping up on the tables and counters) to enjoy this treat.

Mazzy - She is our fattest cat. She weighs twenty-something pounds and I have no idea how her little spindly legs hold her up. Mazzy is what you call a finicky eater. She won't eat anything unless it is her really expensive dry cat food. Mazzy eats A LOT of cat food.

Rat - Rat loves CANDY. Rat will not eat the candy but prefers to lick it off your face. Now that's annoying.

As you can see, our cats are all very different when it comes to their preference in diet. Their personalities are very different too.

Our dogs could get hit by a bus tomorrow and I would be happy as pie. They shed, poop, bark dig and generally make my life miserable. All day long, they want inside, they want outside, they want inside..................The only reason why I keep them around is because they are my little portable vacuum cleaners. With all of the kids dropping most of their food on the floor, Ben doesn't even put his tongue back in his mouth. Ben just walks around with his tongue glued to the floor. Licking and hoping he can accumulate enough crumbs to supplement his diet.

The dogs are old too. They should be going to doggie heaven any day now. I'm thankful. I won't be able to not have a dog for long though. But next time I'll get a dog with substance......you know, the kind that wears cute little outfits and you can carry it your purse. Now THAT'S a real dog.

The kids want more animals. Every day they say, "Mom, can I have a pet?" And every day I say, "Pick one. We have seven. Make it yours, feed it, change its name if you want." But that's not good enough for our klan. Leroy is scared of scorpions to the point of near obsession. Leroy has decided that after our animals die, we are getting three meerkats as pets. Now meerkats main diet is scorpions. Meerkats have the ability to build up an immunity to a scorpion sting. Meerkats attack a scorpion, ripping off the tail and discarding it and then gobble down the rest of the scorpions body parts for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Leroy thinks that if we had these cute little animals running around, they would keep him safe at night.

Tori wants a miniature Poodle.

Christian wants a dog.

Izzy wants a bunny rabbit.

Sigh........I am resigning to the fact we will always have a plethora of pets. If you have any extras, bring em on over.