Friday, March 30, 2007

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

Dear Way Down In Mayberry Association:

You are killing me. You really are. Is your intent to break me down in to large puddles of goo?

A year ago you made me take down my trampoline. You said it has to be buried. I have been trying for a solid year to get someone to dig a hole for me, but nobody will. Did you pay the entire Metropolis off? I finally found someone to dig it last Saturday, but he didn't show up. Did you pay him off too?

In case you haven't looked in my backyard lately, here is what it looks like:


Isn't that attractive?

And why dear Association, are there several trampolines above ground all over Way Down In Mayberry? Some on a hill even, with no fence and in plain view for me to bang my head against the steering wheel every time I drive by.

If the trampoline saga isn't enough for one person, you have decided to repeatedly send me letters about my garbage can. Yesterday I received a certified letter with more to come from your lawyers if not dealt with by early April. Have you noticed that my garbage can is not on my lawn filled with garbage? It is tucked away by my garage that doesn't even face my street.

I now understand why Way Down In Mayberry residents pay the highest association fees in the Metropolis. We have to pay all of your lawyers to send us threatening letters. Do you realize that I could feed and clothe entire villages for the rest of their lives based on a years worth of association fees?

My association members, if you just took a moment.........took a long, deep breath and LOOKED at our neighborhood (not just at the CCR's book), you might see all of the other crap that brings down a neighborhood and makes it "not so pretty". How about those Rainbow Play Systems? There's nothing like a primary colored monolith to stand out like a sore thumb. Are they allowed because they cost thousands of dollars? Is that showing potential residents/investors that we have money? How about the lady with the blow-up reindeer/bunny/flowers/snoopy/santa claus? How can that possibly be okay? What about the greenhouses sticking up from the backyard fences? What about the people that adorn their lawn with every lawn ornament known to man? Ceramic bunnies, plastic windmill flowers, rocks that say "Love Jesus". And how about all of the plastic play equipment that peeks out of backyards everywhere? Is it not enough that the residents have paid for at least five parks within our community not to mention two swimming pools, a village green, a community barn, a volleyball sand area, tennis courts and a community organic garden?

All of these amenities listed are attractive to the people that live here and potential residents. If you have it in your heart dear Association, you may want to re-evaluate the CCR's. For your sanity and the sanity of all of your residents. We have a wonderful, attractive community. Let's keep it that way by either enforcing the rules for EVERYONE or getting rid of some rules that don't apply.

I know that you may be picking on me. I don't fit the "Stepford Wives" package. I know I rock the boat. But don't pick on me too much. I may just get angry and fight back. And I'm all about peace and love man.

A disgruntled resident,

-tallulah

5 comments:

Jennboree said...

Wow. You must have one tightassociation. We have one that is pretty strict but they don't make us dig holes for our trampolines!

They did go to court over a new home that had a cylinder room on top of its modern design. The homeowners had to remove it. Crazy.

I understand the purpose of associations but they can get out of control!

mist1 said...

My association thinks that if they ignore me, maybe I will just go away.

Is That Wrong? said...

As a resident of Way Down in Mayberry, I whole-heartedly agree that the rules are not applied equally to everyone. That's why I decided that I'll keep my son's basketball hoop in the driveway.

T-girl said...

Oh, Home associations are the real Devil. I could go on and on about them. Thank God our house is so old and the association is senial and blind... of course we have some houses that look more suited to the local trailor park now but honestly... thank God they are senial and old, my hubby is Mr. Fix-it and as you know "fixing it" is not allowed in our drive! Eye roll! LOL Also, they probably would kick us out if they actually could see that rusted out bucket of a monstrosity he bought and calls a car... and that he thinks is so cool! LOL

Good luck, maybe you can convince her poolboy to help her relieve some stress, usually the person is a housewife from hell who is in desprate need of a very good... well, you know! ;)

The Analyzer said...

Hey, we were busted in the same roundup! I've gotten my first nastygram of the year for my rowing shell. We're not supposed to have boats in the driveway, you see. And technically, my two foot wide rowing shell is a boat. And now, I'd like to play devil's advocate: We ALL got a copy of the rules before we moved in. The rules may not be imposed with an even hand, be we knew what they were before we started playing.

That being said, I leave my shell in the driveway until I get the nastygram every year, and my garbage cans are still outside (still waiting for the nastygram on that one!)