Wednesday, December 27, 2006

THE CHRISTMAS TORTURE

Bubby drives me crazy with the baby monitors. We have three different levels in our house and kids sleeping on all three levels. Bubby turns up the monitors loud enough at night that I can hear every snort, breath, snore, rustling of covers and cough.

My take on the whole baby monitor thing is unless the child is on fire, I really don't want to hear the monitor. If you have it turned down very low, and a child screams....you will hear it eventually.....won't you?

So about every early morning, say 3am, I am waking Bubby up. "Could you turn down the monitors please?" I have even taken to sneaking over to his side of the bed and trying to turn them down. Unsuccessfully of course.

On Christmas Eve, we told the kids they could all sleep in the basement. This would allow them to camp out in the family room and discuss Christmas until the wee hours of the morning and it would also allow Santa to successfully come down the chimney and deliver presents without waking a child. Bubby gave the children strict instructions...."DO NOT come upstairs in the morning until we come and get you. We can hear you when you wake up and then we will shout downstairs when it is okay to come up the stairs."

The next thing I know, Bubby is waking me up at 8:30 am.....hours after the children would wake up to see that Santa had come. "Hey!" Bubby says. "The kids are really sleeping in. They are not up yet." I rub my eyes and ask, "Is the monitor on?" "OH. MY. GOD. I forgot to turn on the monitor!" said Bubby.

And in that 30 seconds of complete silence, I hoped that when Bubby turned on the monitor we would just hear the quiet snores of our children.

(hearing screams at top of lungs)
"WHAAAAAAAH!"
"IT'S BEEN LIGHT FOR HOURS."
"SANTA DIDN'T COME!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Oh. If you could only hear the crying, screaming and sobs coming from the basement. The children had probably been awake for at least 2 hours. I'm sure they thought Santa had kidnapped their parents or left them for dead.

Bubby must have them trained well because not once in their hours of strife, did they come up those stairs.

Do I feel a little bad? Maybe, just a little. But now that I am laughing about it, I'm going to be dreaming up what kind of senseless torture I can invoke on them next Christmas. (insert evil cackle here.)

7 comments:

Jennboree said...

All through the house not a creature was stirring, or so you thought till you turned the monitor on.

With child #1, we used a video monitor. With child #2, we use our ears.

Does that make her loved less?

Mayberry said...

OK, it's hilarious that HE was the one who forgot to turn on the monitor!

I love the picture of the kids. My son got a pair of red long johns with his name embroidered on the butt--can't wait to try them on him.

Another Shade of Grey said...

Lol. Don't question yourself. You are a good mother. When I read your blog I am filled with admiration for what you have done with YOUR children. Not many could fill your shoes.

T-girl said...

OMG! That is the funniest thing EVER! I bet you were like, "damn I am sleeping good tonight!" First ful nights sleep in how many years? LOL Those poor kids... but damn if it is not funny! It is like every parents sick fantasy come to life. Although I was told this year that I am a "present Nazi"... not because I like to get them... oh no... because I force people to get up at unGodly hours (10 am) and then open the damn things because I can't wait to see their reactions. Ingrates! LOL

Vixen said...

Poor Kids but LMAO that was hilarious. I can just imagine waking up at 8:30 and not by a child (mine wake up early too, 6ish) and thinking 'did we accidently give them benedryl last night?' LOL.

Well, on the plus side you did get to sleep in on Christmas morning, which makes me a very jealous mom!

I'm Just a Girl said...

That is too funny!

I loathed the monitor after awhile. My Mom radar is so heightened that some nights I wouldn't be able to fall asleep and then lo and behold, I'd hear The Boy cry out from a bad dream or he'd wake up sick. Who needs monitors?!?!!

Shoshana said...

LOL. This is really funny.

I don't own a single baby monitor. If I get one as gift, I return it.

My house is not that big, its' like 1850+ square feet...

If I live in a 2500 square feet house, I'd probably get one too...maybe not.